You might think poetry is all sappy love tales and people expressing their opinions about life, but there is much more to the art form than that. It’s true many of the most famous poems are about love, romance, and heartbreak, but there are just as many excellent poems with verses covering everything from history and horror to travel and death. There are also plenty of funny poems ideal for giving you a laugh when feeling down. While some of these are funny love poems, not all humorous poetry deals with love and loss. There are also short funny poems, funny life poems, funny kids’ poems, and even funny nature poems.
Whether writing limericks, Japanese Haiku, or free verse, funny poems are great at putting you in a good mood. Poems are a creative way to use humor, with some of the great literacy giants having written hilarious poems over the centuries. We’ve collected some of the most hilarious by a slew of famous poets and writers for you to check out below and cheer yourself up when down in the dumps.
23 Funny Poems To Put You in a Good Mood
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1. “My Shadow” by Robert Louis Stevenson
I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow –
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an India-rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there’s none of him at all.
2. “The Three Little Pigs” by Roald Dahl
The animal I really dig,
Above all others is the pig.
Pigs are noble. Pigs are clever,
Pigs are courteous. However,
Now and then, to break this rule,
One meets a pig who is a fool.
What, for example, would you say,
If strolling through the woods one day,
Right there in front of you you saw
A pig who’d built his house of STRAW?
The Wolf who saw it licked his lips,
And said, ‘That pig has had his chips.’
‘Little pig, little pig, let me come in!’
‘No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!’
‘Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in!’
The little pig began to pray,
But Wolfie blew his house away.
He shouted, ‘Bacon, pork and ham!
Oh, what a lucky Wolf I am!’
And though he ate the pig quite fast,
He carefully kept the tail till last.
Wolf wandered on, a trifle bloated.
Surprise, surprise, for soon he noted
Another little house for pigs,
And this one had been built of TWIGS!
‘Little pig, little pig, let me come in!’
‘No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!’
‘Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in!’
The Wolf said, ‘Okay, here we go!’
He then began to blow and blow.
The little pig began to squeal.
He cried, ‘Oh Wolf, you’ve had one meal!
Why can’t we talk and make a deal?
The Wolf replied, ‘Not on your nelly!’
And soon the pig was in his belly.
‘Two juicy little pigs!’ Wolf cried,
‘But still I’m not quite satisfied!
I know how full my tummy’s bulging,
But oh, how I adore indulging.’
So creeping quietly as a mouse,
The Wolf approached another house,
A house which also had inside
A little piggy trying to hide.
‘You’ll not get me!’ the Piggy cried.
‘I’ll blow you down!’ the Wolf replied.
‘You’ll need,’ Pig said, ‘a lot of puff,
And I don’t think you’ve got enough.’
Wolf huffed and puffed and blew and blew.
The house stayed up as good as new.
‘If I can’t blow it down,’ Wolf said,
I’ll have to blow it up instead.
I’ll come back in the dead of night
And blow it up with dynamite!’
Pig cried, ‘You brute! I might have known!’
Then, picking up the telephone,
He dialed as quickly as he could
The number of red Riding Hood.
‘Hello,’ she said. ‘Who’s speaking? Who?
Oh, hello, Piggy, how d’you do?’
Pig cried, ‘I need your help, Miss Hood!
Oh help me, please! D’you think you could?’
‘I’ll try of course,’ Miss Hood replied.
‘What’s on your mind…?’ ‘A Wolf!’ Pig cried.
‘I know you’ve dealt with wolves before,
And now I’ve got one at my door!’
‘My darling Pig,’ she said, ‘my sweet,
That’s something really up my street.
I’ve just begun to wash my hair.
But when it’s dry, I’ll be right there.’
A short while later, through the wood,
Came striding brave Miss Riding Hood.
The Wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze,
And yellowish, like mayonnaise.
His teeth were sharp, his gums were raw,
And spit was dripping from his jaw.
Once more the maiden’s eyelid flickers.
She draws the pistol from her knickers.
Once more she hits the vital spot,
And kills him with a single shot.
Pig, peeping through the window, stood
And yelled, ‘Well done, Miss Riding Hood!’
Ah, Piglet, you must never trust
Young ladies from the upper crust.
For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes,
Not only has two wolfskin coats,
But when she goes from place to place,
She has a PIGSKIN TRAVELING CASE.
3. “Phantasmagoria” by Lewis Carroll
“And as to being in a fright,
Allow me to remark
That Ghosts have just as good a right
In every way, to fear the light,
As Men to fear the dark.”
“No plea,” said I, “can well excuse
Such cowardice in you:
For Ghosts can visit when they choose,
Whereas we Humans can’t refuse
To grant the interview.”
He said “A flutter of alarm
Is not unnatural, is it?
I really feared you meant some harm:
But, now I see that you are calm,
Let me explain my visit.
“Houses are classed, I beg to state,
According to the number
Of Ghosts that they accommodate:
(The Tenant merely counts as weight,
With Coals and other lumber).
4. “Doggy Heaven” by Larry Huggins
All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight!
5. “Messy Room” by Shel Silverstein
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or –
Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!
6. “A Naughty Little Comed” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
There was a little comet who lived near the Milky Way!
She loved to wander out at night and jump about and play.
The mother of the comet was a very good old star;
She used to scold her reckless child for venturing out too far.
She told her of the ogre, Sun, who loved on stars to sup,
And who asked no better pastime than in gobbling comets up.
But instead of growing cautious and of showing proper fear,
The foolish little comet edged up nearer, and more near.
She switched her saucy tail along right where the Sun could see,
And flirted with old Mars, and was as bold as bold could be.
She laughed to scorn the quiet stars who never frisked about;
She said there was no fun in life unless you ventured out.
She liked to make the planets stare, and wished no better mirth
Than just to see the telescopes aimed at her from the Earth.
She wondered how so many stars could mope through nights and days,
And let the sickly faced old Moon get all the love and praise.
And as she talked and tossed her head and switched her shining trail
The staid old mother star grew sad, her cheek grew wan and pale.
For she had lived there in the skies a million years or more,
And she had heard gay comets talk in just this way before.
And by and by there came an end to this gay comet’s fun.
She went a tiny bit too far-and vanished in the Sun!
No more she swings her shining trail before the whole world’s sight,
But quiet stars she laughed to scorn are twinkling every night.
7. “My One-Eyed Love” by Andrew Jefferson
I’ve fallen in love – I don’t know why
I’ve fallen in love with a girl with one eye.
I knew from the start. It was plain to see
That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me
She’s charming and witty and jolly and jocular
Not what you’d expect from a girl who’s monocular.
Of eyes – at the moment – she hasn’t full quota
But that doesn’t change things for me one iota.
It must be quite difficult if you’re bereft.
If your left eye is gone and your right eye is left.
But she’s made up her mind. She’s made her decision.
She can see it quite clearly in 10/20 vision.
She’ll not leave me waiting, not left in the lurch
If she looks slightly sideways she’ll see me in church.
I’ll marry my true love who’s gentle and kind.
And thus prove to everyone that loves not quite blind.
8. “I Didn’t Go To Church Today” by Ogden Nash
I didn’t go to church today,
I trust the Lord to understand.
The surf was swirling blue and white,
The children swirling on the sand.
He knows, He knows how brief my stay,
How brief this spell of summer weather,
He knows when I am said and done
9. “Our Imperfect Dog” by Cynthia C. Naspinksi
We love our dog with all our hearts,
But not so much her stinky farts.
Her doggy breath is less than fresh,
Yet we hug her nonetheless.
From barking she will not refrain.
The house and yard are her domain.
Park on the street or walk on past,
And you will likely cop a blast.
Meter readers, couriers,
Serve to make her furious.
Possums, lizards, neighbor’s cat,
Will not be shown the welcome mat.
In the name of crime prevention,
Airspace gets the same attention.
We feel safe, it must be said,
From birds that dare fly overhead.
She wages war with the lawnmower,
Outdoor sweeper and leaf blower.
And switching on the vacuum cleaner
Won’t bring out her best demeanor.
This causes some embarrassment,
This doggy form of harassment,
But she does provide protection,
And for that we feel affection.
Once introductions make the rounds,
Her friendliness, it knows no bounds.
Though not all guests are fully rapt
With thirty kilos on their lap.
Should you leave your nice warm chair,
On your return you’ll find her there.
And when she’s urged to please vacate,
She’ll turn into a limp, dead weight.
To baths she has a strong aversion,
Desperate to avoid immersion.
Yet she’ll display her dive technique
In any muddy pond or creek!
We give her scratches, make her smile.
Give an inch, she’ll take a mile.
Stop and she’ll demand still more,
Prodding you with paw and claw.
“She’s got character!” we all say.
At times it’s just a nicer way
Of saying she’s our problem child,
Kinda crazy, kinda wild.
For all her faults we love her dearly
And in turn she loves us clearly.
She’s our funny, gorgeous girl.
We wouldn’t trade for all the world.
9. “The Purple Cow” by Gelett Burgess
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.
10. “Yes! No!” by Joanna Fuchs
My turn signal wasn’t working,
So I asked for help from a friend.
“Stand behind the car,” I said.
“Let’s get this problem to end.”
“When I turn the signal on,
If it’s working, let me know.”
I hit the blinker and then I heard:
“Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!”
11. “The Owl and the Pussycat” by Edward Lear
The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!’
Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?’
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-Tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
‘Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.
12. “Daddy Fell Into the Pond” by Alfred Noyes
13. “Henry King” by Hilaire Belloc
The Chief Defect of Henry King Was chewing little bits of String.
At last he swallowed some which tied Itself in ugly Knots inside.
Physicians of the Utmost Fame Were called at once;
but when they came They answered, as they took their Fees,
“There is no Cure for this Disease. “Henry will very soon be dead.”
His Parents stood about his Bed Lamenting his Untimely Death,
When Henry, with his Latest Breath,
Cried, “Oh, my Friends, be warned by me,
That Breakfast, Dinner, Lunch, and Tea Are all the Human Frame requires…”
With that, the Wretched Child expires.
14. “Naming Cats” by T S Eliot
Much serious thought should be given
To the naming of them,
For would we call a Byzantine Emperor
Tiddles, Blackie or Patches,
Would we name an Egyptian Pharaoh
Ginger, Tiger, Tom, or Peanut?
Cat’s are royalty, no less noble
Than the Great Charlemagne –
And they know it,
Thus it is most essential
That we get the little buggers neutered.
15. “Alfred Lord Tennyson” by
Should Heaven send me any son,
I hope he’s not like Tennyson.
I’d rather have him play a fiddle
Than rise and bow and speak an idyll.
16. “Eletelephony” by Laura Elizabeth Richards
Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant-
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone-
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)
Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee-
(I fear I’d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)
17. “Another Reason Why I Don’t Keep a Gun in the House” by Billy Collins
The neighbours dog will not stop barking.
He is barking the same high, rhythmic bark
That he barks every time they leave the house.
They must switch him on on their way out.
The neighbor’s dog will not stop barking.
I close all the windows in the house
And put on a Beethoven symphony full blast
But I can still hear him muffled under the music,
Barking, barking, barking,
And now I can see him sitting in the orchestra,
His head raised confidently as if Beethoven
Had included a part for barking dog.
When the record finally ends he is still barking,
Sitting there in the oboe section barking,
His eyes fixed on the conductor who is
Entreating him with his baton
While the other musicians listen in respectful
Silence to the famous barking dog solo,
That endless coda that first established
Beethoven as an innovative genius.
18. “Sporty People” by Wendy Cope
I took her for my kind of person
And it was something of a shock
When my new friend revealed
That, once upon a time,
She was a Junior County Tennis Champion.
How could that happen?
How could I accidentally
Make friends with a tennis champion?
How could a tennis champion
Make friends with me?
She wasn’t stupid. She read books.
She had never been mean to me
For being bad at games.
I decided to forgive
Her unfortunate past.
Sporty people can be OK –
Of course they can.
Later on, I met poets
Who played football. It’s still hard
To get my head round that.
19. “They Should Have Asked My Husband” by Pam Ayres
You know, this world is complicated and imperfect and oppressed,
And it’s not hard to feel timid, apprehensive and depressed,
It seems that all around us, tides of questions ebb and flow,
And people want solutions, but they don’t know where to go.
Opinions abound but who is wrong and who is right?
People need a prophet, a diffuser of the light,
Someone they can turn to as the crises rage and swirl,
Someone with the remedy, the wisdom, the pearl…
With his thoughts on immigration, teenage mums, Theresa May,
The future of the monarchy, the latest Brexit shocks,
The wait for hip replacements, and the rubbish on the box.
Yes, they should have asked my husband, he can sort out any mess,
He can rejuvenate the railways, he can cure the NHS,
So any little niggle, anything you want to know,
Just run it past my husband, wind him up and let him go.
Congestion on the motorways, free holidays for thugs,
The damage to the ozone layer, refugees, drugs,
These may defeat the brain of any politician bloke,
But present it to my husband, he will solve it at a stroke.
He’ll clarify the situation, he will make it crystal clear,
You’ll feel the glazing of your eyeballs and the bending of your ear,
You may lose the will to live, you may feel your shoulders slump,
When he talks about the President, Mr. Donald Trump.
Upon these areas he brings his intellect to shine,
In a great compelling voice that’s twice as loud as yours or mine,
I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong,
Infallible, articulate, self-confident and wrong.
When it comes to tolerance, he hasn’t got a lot,
Joy riders should be guillotined, and muggers should be shot,
The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears,
And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears.
My friends don’t call so often, they have busy lives I know,
But it’s not every day you want to hear a windbag suck and blow,
Google? Safari? On them we never call,
Why bother with computers… when my husband knows it all.
20. “Have a Nice Day” by Spike Milligan
“Help, help,” said a man. “I’m drowning.”
“Hang on,” said a man from the shore.
“Help, help,” said the man. “I’m not clowning.”
“Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning,
You, see I’ve got a disease.
I’m waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.
So do be patient please.”
“How long,” said the man who was drowning. “Will it take for the Doc to arrive?”
“Not very long,” said the man with the disease. “Till then try staying alive.”
“Very well,” said the man who was drowning. “I’ll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning and other things he wrote.”
“Help, help,” said the man with the disease, “I suddenly feel quite ill.”
“Keep calm.” said the man who was drowning, “Breathe deeply and lie quite still.”
“Oh dear,” said the man with the awful disease. “I think I’m going to die.”
“Farewell,” said the man who was drowning.
Said the man with the disease, “Goodbye.”
So the man who was drowning, drownded
And the man with the disease past away.
But apart from that,
And a fire in my flat,
It’s been a very nice day.
21. “We Real Cool” by Gwendolyn Brooks
The Pool Players
Seven at the Golden Shovel.
We real cool. We
Left school. We
Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We
Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We
Jazz June. We
Die soon.
22. “Funny Thoughts” by Nixon Waterman
It is bad to have an empty purse,
But an empty head is a whole lot worse.
Shut your mouth, and open your eyes,
And you’re sure to learn something to make you wise.
23. “Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Car” by Cecilia L. Goodbody
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.
Leaking oil every day
Having it your own way.
Going up hills real slow
I don’t want you any mo’.
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.
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